Tag Archives: passion

I inherited my Grandparents’ Stubbornness

I have been called many things, some good and some very hurtful. For the most part, words don’t bother me all that much. The last time a word really hurt me was when I was called a loser by somebody who I loved very much and dedicated five years of my life to. But since I refuse to dwell in the past and insist on moving forward, what hurt me then, cannot hurt me now. As the saying goes, “what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger”. Growing up, I was bullied and was called almost every terrible thing in the book. I’ve never had an issue with embracing labels for they do not matter as long as you know the truth. One thing that I have been called throughout my life is “stubborn”. And this is truly a label that I’ve come to accept and a trait which I inherited from my grandparents, though I don’t see it as being stubborn, but rather determined.

My grandparents never had a lot of money, in fact—at one point they were so poor, my mom recalls living in public housing on the south side of Chicago when she was very young. Eventually, my grandfather was able to get an office job with General Motors’ Frigidaire division, the pay wasn’t great, but it helped get the family out of the projects. My grandmother also worked various jobs here and there. They were stubborn in the sense that they refused to allow their children to go without food and shelter. And when my grandfather was forced to retire from GM early and take his pension, he got into real estate and did alright, but he never became wealthy by any means. My grandparents worked a lot of hours and made a lot of sacrifices to take care of themselves and their children. They wouldn’t let the injustices of society keep them down, instead, they were stubborn enough to fight the system and get by in a rich man’s world.

My mother inherited this trait as she made great sacrifices to take care of her children, especially me when it was just us for many years. Stubborn? No. A good parent? Yes. I too inherited this trait, and the reason I bring it up at all is because, when talking to my mom recently about pushing hard, hard, hard to launch my freelance journalism career, and build up an extensive portfolio within the next six months to a year so that I can land a job with a stable and respected media outlet, she said that I will succeed because I’m stubborn like my grandparents. As stated, I see myself as determined. When I was in college, I struggled with math and had to take a few of the remedial math courses more than once. Whereas most students drop out because of these classes, I was determined to pass them and earn my degree in the two fields that I studied. Eventually, I got through them and graduated with a high GPA. My mom made the point, that I’m so stubborn (or determined) that I’ve never let anything stand in my way before, and when it comes to my passion and to my dream, I shouldn’t let anything hold me back now. In all of my struggles, setbacks, and pain—and in my battle with depression, I’ve never let anything keep me down, for as down as I may get, my stubbornness or determination will get me to where I want to be and hopefully soon. So I say, screw it, be stubborn because it usually works out for the best in the end.

 

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Modern Day Pioneer (My journey across the country and my next steps)

It has been approximately one week since I packed my entire life into the back of my car, and dedicated the front passenger seat to my cat and to her crate and headed west for California. I felt like the pioneers who came before me, many years ago, who traveled west and transformed the landscape into what is today the Southwestern United States, even if they did some bad things along the way. I’m sure that many of you who will be reading this, have probably taken this journey before, traveling far from home to chase your dreams, but for me, this is an entirely new experience and for those of you who are considering it, or have never taken this chance, I will share my experience with you.

I’ve divided this blog into four sections and they are: The Trip, the homesickness and the deal reached to cope with it, the job search, and my goals.

The Trip

The journey began at 7AM Central Standard Time when I departed from Chicago. With my packed car and some snacks, I gave my mom a big hug, told her that I loved her and set on my way. My first stop was a rest stop in Iowa where my car’s A/C decided to take a dive, so, I had to put the windows down and drive fast, or as a gentleman I spoke with at a gas station in Nebraska put it, “Put the windows down and drive like hell.” The A/C not working wasn’t a real issue until I got out of Colorado where I spent my first night. Driving through the mountains, it was nice and cool so the A/C wasn’t a big deal, this was also the case when I was driving through the mountains of Arizona, though if you’re not used to driving through mountains on roads that twist and wind every which way and are barely lit when you’re used to flatland, you freak out and drive very slow. If I recall correctly, the speed limit on such roads in Arizona was 65 MPH and I don’t think I went over 45 as people whizzed by me and probably thought I was nothing more than a tourist not used to these types of highways.

I didn’t sleep very well the first night when I stayed in Colorado. This was mainly because me being the neat freak that I am, the Super 8 I stayed in could have been cleaner and could have used some major updating. This is not to say that it was filthy but it could have been cleaned a lot better. I probably could have done more research into pet friendly motels/hotels in Colorado, but this particular Super 8 had middle of the road reviews and was affordable, though I wasn’t impressed. I couldn’t wait to get out of there so I checked out early, stopped at McDonald’s for breakfast and headed for Arizona. The drive through the rest of Colorado through Arizona, I can only describe as a roller coaster through the mountains, up and down, to the left, and to the right, something that I would imagine takes some getting used to if you were to drive these roads daily. The La Quinta Inn in Phoenix was very nice. It was clean, up to date, and the staff was wonderful. I don’t recall how many times I stopped for gas or just to take a break, but every time I did, I made sure that the cat was fed and given water, though she was not so interested just because she hates the car.

Once I got into  New Mexico, I really began to notice how wonderful A/C really is, for even with the windows down and 75 MPH, there is just no replacement for a good working A/C when you’re driving through the desert. I noticed how hot the cat was getting as she began to pant and that really began to scare me. I stopped a few times to see if she would drink, but she wouldn’t because I suspect she was stressed. I had to splash water on her from a bottle to cool her off, she ended up licking the water off of her fur so I knew that she was getting some fluids in her. I got through New Mexico as fast as I could and into California, making my way to my friend’s house in the valley.

What I took away from all of this was; that everything about your car can work great and crap out in a matter of seconds. I realized that chains that I once thought extinct such as Sinclair Oil are still alive and well as you get further west and trucks stops are pretty elaborate with everything you need, you could live in one if you really wanted or had to. As I drove, I took a look at a lot of license plates to see where people were driving from. I thought that I had come a long way, but I saw a few cars with plates from Minnesota and even as far away as Maryland and Maine. People travel and they travel everywhere, and then there’s the people you meet. I have never been one for stereotypes. I believe that people should have an opportunity to show you who they are regardless of race or location or any other insignificant labels society places on people. Every time you think of a state, you think of that state’s residents in a certain way due to stereotypes, and you find when talking to people, that these stereotypes are just nonsense. I did not come across an unfriendly person.

The Homesickness and the deal reached to cope with it 

I knew that eventually I would get homesick, but I didn’t expect it to strike so soon and be so bad. I will admit, that for the first few days I cried, and no, I don’t think it’s wimpy or whatever for men to cry. If you think that, you’re just ignorant. It had been a long time since I cried, the last time was over a year ago when I and my then girlfriend of five years went our separate ways. I had never been away from my mom before and that bothered me, her and I have been through a lot together, good and bad. And I really miss the dogs, yeah I have my cat, but the dogs are family too and  I miss them. I can’t say that I’m completely over being homesick, but I’m sure that in time it will go away. After all, people leave their country for others and leave their family behind to seek a better life, people go off to war and leave their families at home, I’m sure, I’ll survive.

However long my homesickness lasts, a deal has been reached between my mom and I to deal with it on behalf of both of us. First, we agreed to text everyday and call each other once in a while. This way, we know that we’re both safe and we can keep each other updated. 21st century technology is a wonderful thing. Second, we agreed that in roughly one year, after we both save up some money, I will find an apartment for the two of us, move out of my friend’s place and get a place with my mom, this way we will be together again, homesickness will no longer be an issue and I can take care of her as she’s getting older. Taking care of your parents in old age is something that we shamefully do not do in the west, especially the United States, this is just one of the many things that I admire of eastern culture for the younger generations take care of their elders. Knowing myself, I don’t suspect my homesickness will go away completely, but knowing that this is the plan and working towards that goal, will help me cope with it until this plan becomes a reality.

The Job search

Aside from the homesickness, there is one other thing that was truly bothering me about making the trip to California, and that is coming out here without a job lined up. I can’t recall the last time that I was unemployed and I’m the type of person who likes to work not only because I get bored out of my mind if I don’t, but I need to make sure that my bills are paid and are paid on time. I recall one of my favorite college professors from Northeastern Illinois University whom I took several classes with. He once told one of these classes that he grew up in a town in I believe South Carolina, could have been North Carolina, but anyway, he explained to the class that as an African American in the 60’s and 70’s, the town was not exactly friendly to him. Racial tensions were high, he explained. After completing his undergraduate work, he left the Carolinas and with nothing in his pocket made his way to Atlanta where his first job was at Popeye’s Chicken where he eventually became a manager before going to Florida where he studied to earn his PhD. After he had gotten his PhD. he taught in several states before moving to Chicago and getting on the tenure track at NEIU. I never forgot this story and as I made this journey, I kept his story in the back of my mind.

Since I’ve been here, I’ve applied to every place that is hiring. I have plenty of retail experience so I’ve been looking into that field as well. I did apply to the security company that my friend works for, they really liked my resume and my experience and want to bring me aboard, but I can’t start working until the state of California approves my security guard license, I’m waiting for the federal background check to come back and then everything should be ready to go.  This process can take 7-10 business days, today is day 7 since I submitted everything and to be honest, I am growing impatient. I have had several other interviews and two tomorrow. I have also been looking at and applying to nonprofits in the area and will continue to do so, for if I can get into one of those, I would be able to help make the difference that I’ve always wanted to. I should be patient, but I can’t help it. I need to start working, paying the bills, and saving up.

My Goals 

I came to California with several goals in mind. The first of which is my short term goal, to get a job and save up money so that I can get an apartment and bring my mom out here within a year. The second is find a tutor and study for the GRE and begin taking the steps to get into graduate school, which is one of the main reasons I made my way to California, the universities are excellent and unlike my native state of Illinois, there is no budget crisis, there’s funding for the state universities, as well as financial aid. Once in graduate school, I will be studying for my PhD. in Political Science. Once finished, I intend on teaching college for a while, writing, and pursuing some other endeavors. These are my goals and I will do anything that I have to, in order to make sure that all of these goals are achieved. I believe that I can do this and I will.

If you have taken this step in life, then you know exactly where I am coming from and you know exactly what I am feeling. If you haven’t made this journey to any location in the world, I hope that by sharing my experience with you, I have helped you decide or not decide to leave home, but if you do decide to go away from home, remember that it will all work out as long as you are determined and passionate.

Best of luck to you in all of your endeavors.

-Brett T. Mazzoni