Trying to Figure it Out (Confused)

One of the hardest things about life is, trying to figure out what it is you want to do. You grow up hearing, you can be anything you want, but that isn’t always the reality. It’s getting harder and harder to get ahead these days and finding manufacturing jobs these days is very difficult as many of those jobs are being lost to automation or are being shipped overseas. The days of finding a good paying factory job and being able to buy a home and support a family on your wage are gone. A high school diploma doesn’t hold water anymore and a Bachelors’ degree is beginning to spring leaks of its own as a Master’s degree is increasingly becoming the standard in order to find a job.

This is the problem I’m running into. I have a Bachelor’s degree in Justice Studies and Political Science and despite three internships and extensive research throughout my college days, I’m having a difficult time finding work. Every type of job I want to hold requires either a Master’s degree or five plus years of experience or both and my experience doesn’t add up to enough. I’m currently working a job that is sort of in tune with my fields of study but the pay is fairly low and there is a lack of work/life balance and upper management doesn’t care about your needs outside of work all that much. I would still like to get my Mater’s in Public Administration but recent trends show that the job outlook for people with such a degree is shrinking. I’m asking myself, do I want more debt in student loans if I’m not guaranteed a good paying job to pay off that debt and live on? The shrinking job market is why I decided not to pursue journalism which was my childhood dream, because the need for journalists is shrinking and is projected to continue to dwindle away, and the odds of landing a high paying job with a major network are pretty rare and getting anywhere as a freelance journalist is much more difficult than some make it out to be.

I always told myself that no matter what happened, and no matter how many of my goals I failed to accomplish, the one dream that I refuse to fail at is being a writer. Writing has been my dream since I was eight years old which is when I picked up a pen for the first time and wrote a story. Ideally, I would have liked to have some things published by now, but life and college got in the way. I’ve thought about getting another degree in creative writing but again, is the extra debt worth it? And what kind of job outside of a low-paying job will I find with that? I’m better off sticking with my current degree or pursuing another one that will earn me a decent paycheck and continue to write and work towards publication.

I often think, how great would it be to be able to be a stay at home dad when I have children? I would do the housework, take care of the kids and spend the rest of my time writing. It’s 2017, gender roles don’t or at least shouldn’t exist where it’s unacceptable for the man to stay home. The problem is, I have my own debt, student loans especially. I can’t expect somebody else to pay that off if I’m not making a good chunk of change off of my writing. There’s self-publishing yes, but even that, even with more affordable outlets, it takes time to get a name for yourself and start making enough money to live on. Not everybody will sell as many books as Stephen King even though that is the dream of every writer.

This is what I’m trying to figure out. What would you suggest if you were in my shoes? What are you trying to figure out for yourself? Are you in a similar position? If so, please share in the comments. I hope you figure it out. Let’s figure it out together. In the meantime, I’ll keep job hunting and continue to write and hope to have something ready to go for publication this year, even if it’s a shorter work that is self-published.

-Brett T. Mazzoni

 

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I inherited my Grandparents’ Stubbornness

I have been called many things, some good and some very hurtful. For the most part, words don’t bother me all that much. The last time a word really hurt me was when I was called a loser by somebody who I loved very much and dedicated five years of my life to. But since I refuse to dwell in the past and insist on moving forward, what hurt me then, cannot hurt me now. As the saying goes, “what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger”. Growing up, I was bullied and was called almost every terrible thing in the book. I’ve never had an issue with embracing labels for they do not matter as long as you know the truth. One thing that I have been called throughout my life is “stubborn”. And this is truly a label that I’ve come to accept and a trait which I inherited from my grandparents, though I don’t see it as being stubborn, but rather determined.

My grandparents never had a lot of money, in fact—at one point they were so poor, my mom recalls living in public housing on the south side of Chicago when she was very young. Eventually, my grandfather was able to get an office job with General Motors’ Frigidaire division, the pay wasn’t great, but it helped get the family out of the projects. My grandmother also worked various jobs here and there. They were stubborn in the sense that they refused to allow their children to go without food and shelter. And when my grandfather was forced to retire from GM early and take his pension, he got into real estate and did alright, but he never became wealthy by any means. My grandparents worked a lot of hours and made a lot of sacrifices to take care of themselves and their children. They wouldn’t let the injustices of society keep them down, instead, they were stubborn enough to fight the system and get by in a rich man’s world.

My mother inherited this trait as she made great sacrifices to take care of her children, especially me when it was just us for many years. Stubborn? No. A good parent? Yes. I too inherited this trait, and the reason I bring it up at all is because, when talking to my mom recently about pushing hard, hard, hard to launch my freelance journalism career, and build up an extensive portfolio within the next six months to a year so that I can land a job with a stable and respected media outlet, she said that I will succeed because I’m stubborn like my grandparents. As stated, I see myself as determined. When I was in college, I struggled with math and had to take a few of the remedial math courses more than once. Whereas most students drop out because of these classes, I was determined to pass them and earn my degree in the two fields that I studied. Eventually, I got through them and graduated with a high GPA. My mom made the point, that I’m so stubborn (or determined) that I’ve never let anything stand in my way before, and when it comes to my passion and to my dream, I shouldn’t let anything hold me back now. In all of my struggles, setbacks, and pain—and in my battle with depression, I’ve never let anything keep me down, for as down as I may get, my stubbornness or determination will get me to where I want to be and hopefully soon. So I say, screw it, be stubborn because it usually works out for the best in the end.